All Things Doris

Back and Forth - by Charlie Macias

2012-01-31T08:55:00.000-08:00

How are you?/Who are you?

Nice to see you again./What do you want?

Where are your friends?/Why do I get stuck with you?

You should come around more often./Next time call ahead.

I have some advice for you./Tell me something I DON'T know!

Is there anything I can do to help?/Why can't you just get it together?

The November Party – by Charlie Macias

2011-11-17T13:54:00.000-08:00

Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to hold a party in mid-November. Everyone’s gearing-up for Thanksgiving, Xmas and New Year’s. Not many folks RSVP’d. It probably wasn’t a great idea to make the party a celebration of 1977 (see cake). Maybe 1976, the Bicentennial – but ’77? That was the year of what? The death of Elvis and “Mork and Mindy?”

Not too many people showed-up. She was surprised by that. She had even hired an off-shoot of Cirque du Soleil to perform a special act over the river. That didn’t have much to do with 1977 either.

Wait! What year did that Frenchman famously walk across the Twin Towers in New York on a high wire?! Was it ’77?

Answer: No. It was 1974.

Rip-Off! - by Charlie Macias

2011-10-11T14:53:00.000-07:00

You've seen my rants here about Doris' malevolent fairy that appears in some of her paintings (see June 2011, November 2010). Well, it's been co-opted -- which is a nice way of saying "ripped-off" or "stolen."

DirecTV is featuring NFL hall of famer "Neon" Deion Sanders in its current series of television ads hawking its pro football package Sunday Ticket.

In the ads Deion flaps about various dopey football fans and encourages them to purchase the football package. Deion literally gets in the faces of these folks, insults them, then mesmerizes them. They quickly become Sunday Ticket converts, insults aside!

Sound familiar?

Doris and I await the royalties, thank you.

(Uhhh, I'm the accountant)

Five Things to Ponder – by Charlie Macias

2011-08-31T09:24:00.001-07:00

1. I invite you to review this piece while listening to “Tomorrow Never Knows” by the Beatles off their Revolver album. On a continuous loop.

2. The three entities are contemplating each other. It is a never-ending, circuitous imagining. The fact that Ms. Outer Space of Vast Infiniteness is part of the circle just blows my mind! Can you fathom that?!

3. This scene will surely show up as a plot twist in Star Trek 3.

4. The neck rings on Ms. Outer Space are reminiscent of the ornaments worn by the women of the Kayan tribe (Burma) and the Ndebele people (S. Africa).

5. Quick! Book me a flight on that flaming pie, magical bowl or whatever it is before it takes off!

Mushrooms On the Brain – by Charlie Macias

2011-07-30T08:09:00.001-07:00

Her name is Annabella.

She likes mushrooms, ok?! I mean, she REALLY likes mushrooms.

She doesn’t care that the ‘shrooms are popping out of her cranium. She is actually quite content and doesn’t care what you think.

That’s a pretty strong statement.

How about an experiment? Don’t think “mushrooms.” Instead, think of any item that gives you a special buzz or any subject that is super interesting to you. Think of the things you could spend your whole day reading about, talking about, or imagining. (Since Annabella is a proper young lady -please keep your thoughts clean)

So, what’s sprouting out of your head? What are YOU crazy about and now walking around with on the top of your dome? Muscle cars? Shoes? Volleyballs? Stamps? …..Bigfoot?

Now --what if everybody adopted the thought that whatever is your individual “bag” that it is cool? And it’s all right if it just sprouted off your head.

Different strokes for…etc. etc. Can you imagine everyone taking pride in their own wacky Carmen Miranda headgear?!!! “Hello, my lady, and a tip of my hat to you!”

In this case the woman loves mushrooms. Don’t know why. Don’t really care. But she owns it; she thrilled by it.

So, Annabella, full steam ahead ….with a lot of mushrooms atop your head.

Sweet Temptation/Sweets Overload – by Charlie Macias

2011-06-29T18:41:00.001-07:00

Uh-oh, it’s the proverbial kid in a candy store!

Is that green Jell-o or a great big peanut butter cup wrapped in foil? The lollipop and its swirl gets you dizzy/weak, no?

Too much sugar makes you vulnerable and susceptible to suggestion.

A man could get himself in a lot of trouble if he goes on too long about that chocolate dress!

Do you like her licorice hair and wax candy lips?

Check out that snake in the cotton candy. Too much good stuff leads to the danger zone. Yes, right – it’s all too good to be true. And the snake is your special prize…surprise.

Did you notice that Doris’ recurring malicious fairy showed up again? I mentioned her at length in “That Just Gets My Goat.” (see November 2009)

You must decide if the fairy is innocent and simply encouraging the girl to enjoy the cotton candy –in which case you must think the fairy knows nothing about the snake.

Or – you may see the fairy pushing the weakened, dizzy girl to either fall into the cotton candy trap – or, even worse—is the fairy pushing the girl to share her sweets with the next customer?!!

Big-time sugar crash either way. Thanks, Fairy.

You all, remember the lesson

Jaguar Therapy – by Charlie Macias

2011-05-27T16:00:00.000-07:00

JAGUAR: I'm depressed
PSYCHIATRIST: What about?
J: I'm feeling terribly unwanted.
P: Why's that?
J: Remember how I used to brag about being on the Animal Planet channel and National Geographic?
P: Yes.
J: Nobody's looking for me.
P; What do you mean?
J: The nature film makers, the documentarians aren't coming around.
P: No?
J: Exotic jungle animals are out. You know where the film makers are going?
P: Tell me.
J: There’s now a show called "Hogs Gone Wild" on the Discovery Channel! "Hogs Gone Wild!" Can you believe it!
P: Wow.
J: They’re covering wild boars in Florida, Texas and Hawaii! Those pigs are a bunch of marauding pests, uprooting farms, gardens and ranches. No majesty! No class.
P: You really are upset by this.
J: Damn straight! Hogs?!!!
BIRD: I will attack this cat while he's in his weakened state.

Midnight Swim II – by Charlie Macias

2011-04-30T16:47:00.000-07:00

She had to take a dip. She had to get away from the scene. He had thrown up his hands and marched into the cabin’s bedroom. He wanted the conversation to end. He just wanted some sleep. No more arguing. She felt stuff still needed to be worked out, but she was happy to stay on the couch in the living room and let things cool down -- stay on the couch for a second or two.

She needed to be cleansed. She needed time away. Clear the mind with a nighttime escape.

He would be surprised to find her gone if he came out of the room all of a sudden looking for her.

Maybe he’d make his way to the shore, smile and greet her with her bathrobe.

Awww, feels good. Another dip tomorrow night?

Nature’s Friend – Magician’s Enemy

2011-03-31T11:33:00.000-07:00

The young woman is depicted as being “one with the world. “ The young lady has obviously transformed herself into a mountainside. Her hair forms ravines in which flowers grow. This transformation didn’t come overnight. The snail represents the long trek needed to truly come to appreciate nature.

The half moon is all but winking and smiling down on our beauty as she graduates to this enlightened state. She is at peace and completely one with the nature.

It is a bird the pulls out keys that represent knowledge and an understanding of the world.

A more menacing look at this piece may show Doris’ disdain for magicians and secrets.

Didn’t famous escape artist Harry Houdini hide a key in his mouth when he performed his escapes from shackles or a strait-jacket?

Get it? “Shackles” forbid you from a true appreciation of the world. The keys equal magician secrets. Secrets equal lies. Lies are shackles that stop you from seeing the truth. Magician secrets equal lies.

Or maybe Doris simply had a bad experience at a Penn &Teller show and is anti-magician.

Jaguar Says, Pt. 2 – by Charlie Macias

2010-05-03T17:00:00.001-07:00

Yeah, that’s right, I’m back.

Calm down, calm down -- just because a superstar is in your midst.

Maybe you’ve seen me on the Discovery Channel? Animal Planet, maybe? You probably saw me on Nat Geo.

Oh yeah, I’m pure A-list, baby.

How do I know that?

See that bird that’s tethered down over there?

That doesn’t happen to a primetime star.

And you see that pretty chica I’m hanging with?

C’mon, do I really need to say anything more?

Don’t get jealous. Don’t be a hater.

Just using what comes naturally, y’know?

My cousin, cheetah, is really fast. My buddy Lion is ferocious.

Me? Mad hardcore jungle skills, mad jungle skills.

Oh yeah, I’m one baaaaaad cat.

Don’t Be So Negative – by Charlie Macias

2010-03-22T19:47:00.000-07:00

It’s the mix of the innocent and the horrific. Which way are you going to be pulled? Is this piece just too damn optimistic? A lot of the time it’s all about your perception of things.

Maybe Lucille in “Nocturnal Warning” (from 1/10 below) isn’t in the middle of one great big mistake. Maybe she’s a carefree woman who is happily going about her business despite ominous surroundings.

Maybe the young woman in “Midnight Swim” (from 4/08 below) is emerging from the sea, victorious in conquering the swim across the English Channel.

Maybe the cat in “Jaguar Says” (from 6/09 below) is a willing and obedient friend to his keeper. Maybe she is imparting upon him some great knowledge of the universe.

Look at how the heroine in the above piece takes on woefulness and leaves beauty in her wake. Is the devil not impressed? Don’t you feel that the Devil is about to change his ways?

The young lady in “Love Detective” (from 9/09 below) is pure goodness. The little girl in “Gets My Goat” from 11/09) is full of pure amazement.

The world has its share of sadness and cruelty. In this world we all yearn for something good. We must have hope. Beauty and purity are all around us. Natural wonders are free. The Golden Rule, baby.

Or am I just feeling guilty about being so negative?

...don't worry, that won't last long.

Nocturnal Warning – by Charlie Macias

2010-01-18T13:58:00.000-08:00

Let me go out on a limb with this one. This may be Doris’ most foreboding dreamscape.

I am convinced that this work entitled “Lucille” is about the dangers of unprotected sex.

Look at this cutie picking poisonous mushrooms at night. Of course they’re poisonous! Look at that skull out in the field! Look at that raven “innocently” checking out the scene in the nearby tree.

The butterfly is giving the young woman a warning. She pays no heed. She’s naïve, but very sensual. She’s wearing a see-though, flimsy, short- short dress and heels for picking mushrooms, for God’s sake!

Add it up, people: sexy woman doing something dangerous at night?

That Just Gets My Goat – by Charlie Macias

2009-11-21T15:38:00.000-08:00

Could somebody please tell the fairy to get her feet out of the soup?! Everything is going just swimmingly and she just has to spoil it.

Unexpected visitors drop by to enjoy some refreshments: the zebra, giraffe and ladybug (a symbol of good luck). The little girl is overjoyed by their presence and seems thrilled at the appearance of the pixie. She obviously has not noticed that the Flying One is playing footsy with the bouillabaisse.

Ok, ok – maybe I should say something about zebra germs or giraffe backwash, but, c’mon, the fairy is practically human and should have better manners!

And look at the fairy’s face! Look how smug she is. She knows she’s getting one over on the girl. Talk about taking advantage of the magnitude of her rare sighting!

It’d serve her right if the zebra sauntered over and nudged her into the bowl. Oops!

Love Detective Breaks It Down - by Charlie Macias

2009-09-19T16:32:00.000-07:00

At first, being the cynical kind of guy that I am, I figure the young lady is upset and is crying. However, though those appear to be the crushed tears of love running down her cheek, her heart is not depicted as broken. In some cultures a teardrop tattoo under the eye can represent that someone has killed or that they are commemorating someone that has died. Could it be that this woman’s overwhelming love has smothered a man? Or three? She hardly seems dangerous.

I also don’t believe she is broken-hearted because a beauty like her can always count on finding new love, no? Am I saying that she is incapable of being heartbroken? She can surely feel the pain of love, right?

The real clue is Doris’ title of this piece: “Super Heart Girl.” The young woman has so much love that it oozes out of her pores. Her ability to feel and give love provides her with enormous strength. She radiates love. But she is no super-hero. She is not flying about in a cape.

Ironman (super-hero reference, again) had an electromagnetic heart. E.T. had a famous heart-light – -which inspired a crappy Neil Diamond song. This one brings to mind a different 70’s top forty hit : “Love Will Find A Way” by Pablo Cruise.

The picture is also very reminiscent of depictions of the Sacred Heat of Jesus. But this is a contemporary woman, mainstreamed, non-denominational.

She appears to looking ahead at someone who needs aid, who could use a shot of love. She is coming to the rescue in a less-demonstrative fashion. She is like a mystery shopper or someone conducting an undercover restaurant review. You and I may not know she’s there, but she’s changing things up.

My findings at this time are inconclusive. But the Love Detective is onto you, lady!

(No, I don’t want to hear “Calling Dr. Love” by Kiss!)

Kindergarten Blues - by Charlie Macias

2009-08-07T21:28:00.000-07:00

It reminds me of graham crackers. That stuffed bear reminds me of animal crackers. It reminds me of kindergarten and youngsters taking cookies, cupcakes and other treats to share with their classmates on their birthday.

It reminds me of the time in kindergarten when I was walking home at lunch and I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and a cute little blonde girl slapped me for no apparent reason. She zipped past me and ran home. I started to cry and walked home sobbing. An old man was working on his car in his driveway and probably wondered what was up with that crybaby kid.

I got home and my Mom asked what happened. She grabbed me by the hand and we went to the little girl’s home. Her mother answered the door. The two moms spoke and worked thing s out. The little girl came out, tried to make nice, and showed me her cat (name not remembered).

I always hated cats after that.

Out To Sea - by Charlie Macias

2009-08-01T20:09:00.001-07:00

Frame from the never-released 1985 movie “Aquaman” -- based on the comic book super hero. In this scene actress Virginia Madsen (see 2004’s Sideways) takes to the sea on a Rick Baker-conceptualized giant seahorse. “It was part Push-me Pull-You, part Flipper,” quipped Baker. The Aquaman role was to be taken on by water-logged Christopher Atkins (Blue Lagoon). Most of the un-used footage wound up in Kevin Costner’s ill-fated Waterworld movie. Said Madsen, playing Aquaman’s love interest, of the flick: “I kind of liked being tugged around on a seahorse all day. It was either this or Jaws 3-D!!”

Jaguar says... - by Charlie Macias

2009-06-10T19:20:00.001-07:00

She’s not free like me. She thinks she’s a free spirit of the universe, but she’s not.

She loves that bird, but the bird must be free like me. The bird will soon fly away.

She’s green with envy because I am truly free.

I love her boots, but she cannot catch me if she’s wearing those things.

Red velvet looks good on her, matches those gorgeous lips. The tassels remind me of Zorro.

She’s trying to hypnotize me, but I reverse the spell onto her.

I’m only sticking around for the free food.

The Daydream - by Charlie Macias

2009-06-10T19:16:00.000-07:00

Quickly get off that swing! Let the daydream end! It’s your 77th birthday. You're not really ten years old - and all does not look good! Everything is floating away. Your life is up and away in that balloon! The flying angel is dropping off Death. And it appears that Death can walk on water just to show he’s really a major player in this scheme.

That swing is not for fun. It’s meant to lift you away into the hereafter. Even your shoes are off to make you that much lighter!

The lollipop is meant to sedate you. You won’t put up much of a fight. Chocolate cake! You’d never touch that! It’d mess up your pretty clean dress. Not exactly a wonderful celebration, eh?

You have a right to look confused.

Midnight Swim - By Charlie Macias

2009-04-05T14:36:00.000-07:00

She’s going down for the third time. She’s resigned herself to it. She’s even lost all color, as if she’s a ghost. The skeleton hairpin all but foretells her fate. The shot forms a veritable tombstone with an inglorious, mocking skull at the top in full command. Her tears are mixed with the sea that she is about to become one with. The foam around her forms a death shroud. The waves form an inescapable mountain range. The sun isn’t coming up, signaling rescue. That’s the moon shining down and illuminating her impending doom. Such a pretty girl. She had her whole life in front of her.